Breathe

N has put me to shame. After a prolonged hiatus, I logged on to her blog last night only to find that she had written half of War & Peace since the date of my last post. Something had to be done, so here I am.

Posting, incidentally, is not really like riding a bike; you do tend to lose the hang of it when it's been a while. Structure, vocabulary, even inspiration goes out the window. So this will be a post "en vrac". Besides, I can blame my poorly oxygenated brain.

Speaking of which. My parents are convinced that I almost died a week ago. Personally, I think that's a bit of an over-dramatization but if it makes the blog more exciting, let's roll with it. In any event, I did end up having to be whisked off to the emergency room last Sunday, having all of a sudden decided to stop breathing. While rather unfortunate, I didn't really think it would be a big deal; one strong shot of super-toxic steroids, I figured, and I'd be back home getting into my powersuit in time for my morning meeting. But it was not to be.

Apparently, I have developed some sudden, evil allergy to my adorable cats that I love so much. Weeks of daily exposure to the furballs led to an insidious shredding of those all-important little lung-bits I use to breathe in and out about 20,000 times a day. This in turn led to the Asthma Attack That Wouldn't Go Away. To make a long story short, I spent 4 days in hospital hooked up to all sorts of oxygen tubes and IV drips and getting medicated to a semi-constant high. And now I am on another week of bed rest under my parent's unyielding surveillance, but fortunately tube-free (seriously, those oxygen tubes that look like no big deal in the movies get super annoying and itchy after a few days).

So that was my week, how have you guys been?!

Anyways, what happens when you're sick and haven't slept in weeks (not being able to breathe really gets in the way of catching some zzzs) is the whole world suddenly seems very bleak and anything and everything constitutes a perfectly legitimate reason to cry. I have to give up my cats. I'm single, childless, dissatisfied with my career and turning 32 this year. I can't manage to peel off the top of the yogurt pot. Waterworks every time. But honestly, can you blame me?

I've decided to be a bit more positive today, though. Mostly because I've started sleeping again - not really through any great exercise of positive willpower. But I did watch this Louis CK interview on Conan (sorry, can't embed Youtube link, you'll just have to go watch it yourself) posted under the title: Everything's Amazing, Nobody's Happy. Which is a shame really. Hence my new motto: Everything Pretty Much Sucks But Feeling Crappy About It's Not Going To Help.

So, taking my cue from one of N's posts, here's a list of 5 things I feel good about today:

1. This morning, for the first time in a really long time, I woke up not because I couldn't breathe but just because I woke up. Very cool feeling.

2. I had breakfast outside cause it's sunny and warm (finally!) and I was actually able to make it all the way out of bed and downstairs without asphyxiating myself.

3. I haven't had a cigarette in a week. Though the cravings are still pretty bad (yes, it is possible to crave cigarettes even when you can't breathe) I figure this is a golden opportunity to embark on major quitting attempt N°2 (I lasted a year last time, so I know it can be done!)

4. My good friend and neighbour N is coming over for a house-visit later, and I'll be able to chatter away to her without having to stop every 5 seconds to catch my breath. I'll even be able to laugh without risking major brain damage.

5. Unlike a friend of mine who has recently discovered his calling, joined the army, and is being shipped off in two weeks, I am not about to pack my bags to go to Afghanistan (but seriously, M, be careful, you're not all that tough, don't forget you're a lawyer after all...)

OK, so that last one was a bit of a stretch, and the first four are mostly about breathing, but hey, I'm working on it. And I'm posting again. So big ups for me.