There are days I can't stop smiling, I walk through the streets humming to my ipod as passer-bys give me strange looks, I feel like I could conquer the world. I make important pronouncements, set ambitious targets, run like the wind and fill page after electronic page with words that sound to me like delectable, melt-in-you-mouth candies. There are days when Christmas is in the air, where I lift my head and welcome the rain and feel surrounded by love even if I'm walking alone.
And then there are the other days. Days when the hours pass and barely one paragraph has bled onto my screen. When the phone stays quiet and the inbox empty. When I wander from the kitchen to the bedroom to the sofa and back again and can't remember what I was looking for. There are days when the sun can't reach me and the loneliness is dark and oppressing and the future too uncertain to feel real.
Night after night, when I go to bed, I have no idea what kind of day tomorrow will be. But every morning, as soon as my eyes open, I know. The way you know when you first set eyes on a boy you will love even if it breaks you.
And usually, in either case, there's nothing you can do to change it.