Jul 26, 2007

Harry Lost on the Amazon

I have been a loyal amazon customer for years. I have probably bought an entire store-room full of books and DVDs from those people. In fact, amazon could probably survive as a company on my purchases alone. Which is why I am now very upset that they have perpetrated a grave injustice upon me and, frankly, ruined my week, my month, nay - my year.

Eons ago, like the good little consumer that I am, I responded to the Harry Potter marketing mania by pre-ordering, online, my long-awaited copy of The Deathly Hallows. I've been a potty Potter reader since before most people who now call themselves devoted fans had ever heard of a Muggle. And this was it; the last, the most precious tome in the series, where all would finally be revealed! Thus, lulled into a false sense of security by amazon's promise that Book 7 would be waiting for me on my doorstep on the morning of its release, I handed over my credit card information, unawares of any impending doom.

It is now almost one week since the day I was meant to be tearing open my brown cardboard box and finally discovering the truth about Harry. One week! And the blasted book still hasn't arrived. And my trusted amazon customer service representative tells me to sit tight until next week, and if I still haven't received it, then maybe they'll send me a new one that will probably take another week to get here. Don't these people understand the gravity of the situation? Don't they realize that, until I can get my sweaty little paws on that book, I can't listen to the radio, watch television, read my fellow blogger's posts (thanks a lot, DTLF) or even leave my own home, for fear that some idiot will give away the ending?

OK, so I could use this forced exile from the world as an opportunity to crack open those Finance and Accounting books, but really, my distress is too great even to lift myself from my bed. Besides, Finance and Accounting aren't fun and no one does any cool magic spells in them...


Me said...

You could download one of those scanned copies from the internet. It might not be so great for your eyes though.

DTLF said...

You're more than welcome!

I'd urge you to avoid Wikipedia as well, for fear that the temptation to know will overwhelm your iron will and self-control, for that veritable cornucopia of collective electronic knowledge contains a step-by-step synopsis of the book.

I was in a store the other day, before having read the book, when one saleswoman started chatting to another about what happened. I promptly stuffed fingers in my ears and chanted the theme to "Smurfs" at a 90 decibel level, much to the shock and embarrassment (methinks the sentiment was FOR me) of the parties involved.

After about a minute of serenading the poor clerks with 80s cartoon music, the offending saleswoman motioned for me to unplug my ears and informed me that there was a store-wide policy, in the form of a memo from the very top, that forbade any employee from talking about Harry Potter on the floor, and that anyone caught doing so would be suspended without pay for three days!

And who said all retail was evil?