I am alive.
I have not been gobbled up by a giant piece of cheese.
I have not been shat on by a monstrous Swiss milk chocolate cow.
I have not been shipped off in a box to Qatar to tell them what's what.
I have, however, been sans internet from the date of last posting to, well, five minutes ago. The internet/digital-tv fixit man has just exited stage left, along with his wall-to-wall butt-crack, leaving in his wake.... THE INTERNET!
It is a beautiful thing. So beautiful, in fact, that I wonder how on earth I managed those first eighteen-odd years of my life when I had never even heard of the great big web across the whole wide world.
I promise to post loads and loads in the coming weeks to make up for my unforgivable absence, and give you the detailed skinny on my life this side of the Alps, the heartaches, the stomachaches, the headaches, and the snow. And some good stuff as well.
But first I need to answer about 50 facebook messages...