Clue

You know what bugs me? I mean, besides the usual things. Those people that say 2012 is going to be the end of the world. They really bug me. I mean, wasn't the end of the world supposed to be last year already? Should these crazies really get two bites at the cherry? It sounds like one of my diets. "Oh, whoops, did I say today? No, I mean tomorrow. My diet starts tomorrow. For real this time. I mean it."

Well, damn the doomsday people. 2012 can't be the end of the world, because this ending would suck. As my mom would say, it would be a French movie ending. Just terrible. 2012 is supposed to be the beginning of my new life, for crying out loud, so no end-of-the-world just yet, please.

Speaking of my new life, I now have an impressive array of professionals helping me get ready for it. I have coaches and trainers covering every single aspect of my life. I haven't quite gotten gold-plated teeth or a platinum boob job but I might as well have for all that this self-improvement is costing me.

But I think it's getting me somewhere. It's certainly getting me a few a-ha moments. Not usually when one of my assorted helpers is actually physically present - usually my breakthroughs happen in the tram on the way to the office, while I'm sitting there, desperately trying to think about anything other than the fact that I have to go back to work, again.

Anyways. The latest eureka inspiration came a few days ago, when it suddenly occurred to me that I've been trying my darndest to figure out who I want to be, rather than who I actually am. It's like I'm still a teenager. When you're under the age of 16, it's expected and kind of cute to be all angsty and weird and desperate to be cool and talking about what you want to be when you grow up. But when you're 34. Well, it's just plain screwed up. I'm not going to be anything. Not anymore. But I'm sure I am something.

Just need to pin down what that something is.

Will keep you posted when I do.

Any day now.