Possibly the best silly news story in living memory.
In fact, it's so good, I have to include a few choice morsels here:
Man Hurt Himself To 'Avoid Work'
Fiscal depute Jim Craigen said: "He was making his way to work and didn't really much fancy going. He therefore removed a razor from his pocket and repeatedly dragged it down his face. He also picked up a boulder and struck it off his head and repeatedly hit himself on the head and body."
And the punchline:
After the case, Reid said: "Looking back, I should have just phoned work and asked them for the day off."