So my senior team member quit on me this week. One year to the day from when he started. He's leaving to take a job at CoolCo, which I suppose is, by definition, cooler than CoolCo Sub. But there's no promotion and he's taking a pay cut. It seems like the only thing better about that job than the one he has now is the absence of, well, me.
I don't blame him, really. I haven't quite taken to this management thing. I may have an MBA from one of the best schools in the world but remain severely deficient in the management skills department. I am demanding, impatient, overly emotional - and I hate not being liked. All of which are combining to make me feel like a big fat failure.
And now I need to start hiring all over again. People are tripping over themselves to come work for CoolCo Sub - so much so that I wonder if they even read the job description. But all I want to do is take them by the shoulders and shake them, warn them against working for me, because I'm only going to make them miserable and desperate to leave. But I can't do that, obviously. Instead I have to lie. Tell them this is a great job and I'm a wonderful boss and that they will live happily ever after.
The upside of all this is I get to troll job sites for work. And once in a while, find an entertaining gem to share with my dear readers. These are my top 3 favourite job descriptions this week:
1. Senior email strategy specialist: I'm thinking man in a three piece suit, dark room without windows, clicking a black pen, scanning the faces of his team before pronouncing : "Alright. We're dropping the 'Dear'. And using Helvetica. Go."
2. Cyberlawyer: This job must be fun. Create your own avatar kind of fun. I want mine to wear Ally McBeal skirts and cat-eye glasses and pace Second Life courtrooms shouting "I want the truth!" And then be able to handle it.
3. Senior python developer: I swear to God I didn't make this one up. I couldn't have, trust me. Senior python developer? I was almost tempted to send an application in just for the fun (but then I found out what it really meant and the whole mental image was ruined.) But I won't spoil the fun for you, my darlings. Enjoy.